omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
