Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
