btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize