it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dicks are not precious.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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