Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
