First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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