We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
