I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
