Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
