I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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