is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize