At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
