They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize