I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
