those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
