I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
