if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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