..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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