I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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