I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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