It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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