Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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