from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize