We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
