Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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