well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Never underestimate the power of titties
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
