9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
