just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
