Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
