Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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