Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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