My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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