wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize