So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
