Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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