My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Of course I have a pirate flag
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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