I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
