Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
