I cut my penus on the lid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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