I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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