I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
