Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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