You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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