That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize