Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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