Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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