I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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