I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
