What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
