So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They have beer where we have blood.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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