this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Girls should come with a carfax report
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
