I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
