Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You need a sexual gate keeper
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
