This is not my ceiling
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
