I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
