Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
