but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
