so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
