I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
