Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
