bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
