hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
