Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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