the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
