He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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