Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize