Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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