i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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