I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Congratulations! We have a period
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
