you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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