I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I met the friendliest cop last night
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
