ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
