did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
