I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
