He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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