Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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