I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
