I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
