Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
