i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
