I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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