i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
