your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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