mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
