Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
