like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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