I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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