the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize