I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
