god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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