if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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