Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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